I know this seems like a very strange and serious topic to be blogging about! But before I blog about my story I feel you should know how I’m feeling right now! so I’m going to start off with this little post tonight explaining what’s happened recently to make me write this blog. Then I will start my story!
Why do you hate yourself so much? This was the question my best friend asked me last night. I couldn’t answer her at first. Then after thinking about it I realised hating myself is easier than loving myself because I won’t get hurt if I don’t expect anything of myself.
The things I say about myself like; I’m just too Hackett (seems to be my favourite one at the moment) for everyone who doesn’t know what Hackett means it’s a Scottish word for ugly! I don’t have any boobs, I’m too skinny, I’m not smart enough, No one would/will ever love me. I say these things as a defence mechanism. Whenever I say these things about myself I’m usually joking trying to make light of a situation but deep down inside I’m constantly thinking my am I never good enough.
The reason I feel this way is because out of all the guys I have ever been in a relationship with or been seeing (seeing someone in Scotland is basically in a relationship it’s just not on Facebook!!) have left me emotionally scared! there hasn’t been copious amounts of men only 5 well 6 now including the boy who broke my heart over the weekend!! but he will have his own post dedicated to him when I get through the other 5.
I know this is all sounding really sad and serious and depressing and it is my love life is shit!!! but when you look at it as a whole and you have thought about it, its pretty hilarious and I promise I will post funny anecdotal stories but to warn you I am going to be posting the truth about everything that has happened over the last 4 years and certain things still are a sensitive issue for me, I’m hoping blogging about it will help me through the heart ache!
Thanks for reading guys will post my first official “chapter” tomorrow
Peace & Love